Okay all you adventurous chicks; this blog post is for YOU and YOUR pleasure with anal play/sex.
Before I get into the delightful details about making it feel good or at least seeing if it can feel good to you, I’m going to give my little anal sex speech:
Ladies if you are not ready and willing – don’t do it. Simple.
Guys if she’s not ready then let it go. She may change her mind or she may not. Your best bet is to keep being an attentive lover and remembering that exciting sex is only limited to your imagination. Maybe anal sex/play will happen in the future. In the meantime find other ways to drive each other bonkers in bed, on the floor, in the kitchen, in a car, in a box, in your socks, eating lox! It doesn’t matter as long as it is exciting to both of you!
With that being said (and I am sure Dr. Seuss grinning wherever he is) anal sex/play can be amazing. Figuring out what will make you quiver with excitement is the key.
Make your mind and body want it.
Once you get the “Hmmm maybe I’ll try it” idea rolling around in your head it is worth the time to do a little anal exploring on your own. One way is to give yourself some anal stimulation when you masturbate. Okay quit blushing; statistically nearly all people masturbate.
The stimulation doesn’t need to be a lot or penetration. Just enough to see what touch feels like on those nerves. However, if you get to the point where you want penetration by all means go for it! Do what feels good to you.
A lubed finger or a small toy works great. If you feel more comfortable with a toy, pick one that has a flange, a block or a handle at the base so it cannot slip in. Butt plugs are great for this and two of my favorites are by Mood and Tantus. Both are silicone, very smooth and soft and come in varying shapes and sizes. They’re easily cleaned by boiling or with toy cleaner. Bootie Call and Pop Plugs are good latex choices. They have great little bases and handles for teasing and can some be worn during vaginal sex. Anal beads are another option and can have a profound effect if pulled out slowly during an orgasm.
Teasing yourself or, if you prefer, having your partner see if they can drive you nuts, is a fantastic way to start. Relax and focus on how it feels.These nerves are very sensitive and just a bit of touch and pressure can wake them up. See if and what feels good. Anal play can be very erotic and sexy, experiment with what your body responds to. You may be surprised at what you like.
And Yahoo if you like it!! (No not the search engine, though “Googling your butt” does have kind of a catchy ring to it) Perhaps YIPEE is better! Because it felt good you just flipped that switch in your head from “Gee I don’t know” to “Yeah that feels good”! Mind frame is half the battle to enjoying it.
Making your body want it is far easier once you realize it can and does feel good to you.
Take some time and experience anal play. This can be fingers, tongue, toys; anything that gets your heart pounding and makes you wet.
Teasing has great value here! We’ve all heard the expression “Leave them wanting more?” This is oh so wicked and exciting with anal play because…now pay close attention…the wetter and more excited you are before anal sex the more enjoyable it is tends to be for both of you!
For the Givers – She Comes First.
Relaxation is everything! Relax and talk. That’s true of both partners. There is always some nervousness when trying something new or with someone new, for both the giver and the receiver. Take your time. Are we all following the theme here from the previous blog? Take. Your. Time.
Get a feel for the woman. Yes I do mean with your hands but also listen to her breathing and feel for tightening muscles all over her body. These things will tell you how receptive the she is to what you are doing. The very best lovers know how to read their partner.
A note to the women reading this: Let him/her get a feel for you. That means stop thinking about anything else but where they are touching and the attention they are giving you. Try to enjoy it without worrying about where it might be going.
There are many techniques for relaxing. A massage is great, especially going from full body to just butt massage. Concentrate on the inner thigh and work your way closer to the anus. Switch from massage oil to lube when you start massaging between her cheeks. Effleurage is very useful for rubbing those little muscles into relaxing. Massaging from the clitoris to the tailbone brings blood flowing to that warm, hopefully wet, region. Running the blade of your hand between her cheeks and teasing her vagina a little with your fingers is good too! Just do not go from anus to vagina with your fingers or a toy. It’s not healthy for the vagina. One almost must before anal sex is a clitoral orgasm. This is exceptionally helpful before anal sex as it makes penetration easier. Plus it feels fantastic and who can argue with that?!
Pay attention to the resistance the muscle of the anus has. Keep gently rubbing, massaging, licking and showering attention there in whatever way you like and feels good to her. You’ll be able to tell when the muscle is relaxed enough as it will feel as if your finger or toy is being pulled in slightly. The first few inches inside are where all the nerves are concentrated. Gently stretching by pushing the edges can feel incredible. Different places may feel particularly good. The best way to find out what feels REALLY good is to ask.
Granted not many people become a Chatty Cathy during anal play or sex but, encouraging the person to say what feels good can be done very easily; just ask “Does this feel good?”
Pretty simple but you would be shocked at how many people don’t even do this with vaginal or oral sex.
Take Control
Ladies tell your partner what feels good and what doesn’t. Don’t be shy – it’s YOUR body!
If you do decide you want to try penetration you may want to pick the position or change it. Cowgirl positions gives you control over depth and speed and leave the partners hands free to roam. Doggystyle and missionary allow you to relax your whole body and may stimulate your g-spot. Have fun finding what works for you both.
You may not be able to go from fingers and toys to anal sex on the very first time playing anally or you may. It’s up to the comfort of both people. However far you go; be open to talking about the experience it will only make it better next time. (Yeah there’s that nasty talking suggestion again. Seriously take a hint!).
If you need more ideas come to Déjà vu Love Boutique. They have excellent books on anal play, anal sex positions as well as an indescribable amount of anal toys. If you have questions come talk to Deja Vu’s expert sexologist Dr. Sayaka. She hosts an outstanding class on anal sex. You can also stop by on the second Friday of the month from 7pm – 10pm when Dr. Sayaka freely answers questions any customer may have about sex.
Or just come roam around the store for ideas. There is so much to look at and so many things to try! You may even find yourself in one of my favorite places in the entire store…the strap on section.
Hmmm do I detect the sound of male butt cheeks clenching? Relax guys I promise next week I’ll give you tons of reasons to at least consider it. Maybe even want to try it.
Wishing you fun, frisky and massively enjoyable sex. Anal or otherwise.
Tessa Ayden
a very interesting post thanks for writing it!