I’ve been looking forward to writing this part of the series since I started it. Once considered taboo many people, male and female are experimenting with anal play/sex. According to a New Yorker magazine survey these were the top reasons why:
1. Variety. Another way to play.
2. Intimacy. To some, it feels more intimate than other types of sex.
3. Experimentation. We tried it. We liked it.
4. Forbidden fruit. Anal is taboo, therefore, exciting.
5. Domination/submission. It fits well into sexual power games.
Anal sex for men is definitely on the rise and it’s evident by new toys designed specifically for it. I have to say that makes me very happy as anal sex can be a whole new way to explore your sexuality.
I would be missing a huge component of anal sex for men if I didn’t add in the following little speech. (Hey I gave one to women in the previous blog so why not do the same for men?)
You listening everyone?
It’s really simple.
Anal sex, anal pleasure and play have nothing to do with being homosexual.
Nada. Zip. Zilch.
I cannot begin to count the times I have watched a couple shopping for a harness or anal toys with a very distinct looks on their faces…worry.
More often than not when I gently talk to them it becomes obvious that somehow a man wanting or liking anal play/sex either means he’s gay or it’s going to make him gay. No act makes anyone gay. You either are or you aren’t.
Here’s my standard question…Do you think women who want to try or like anal means they are homosexual?
Ding Ding Ding… survey says…Hell no!
It is no different with men! It’s just exploring sexuality and ladies give him a hug because he trusts you enough to tell you what he wants to try. That’s hard for a lot of men because society tells them that anything anal a man may want makes him homosexual. That’s just ignorance.
Okay speech over. Time for the really good stuff.
The Anatomy is the Same -the Psychology is different.
Everything in the two previous blogs applies to men as well as women with the exception of clitoral orgasm of course. However, men need more assurance than women when it comes to anal sex.
Many men will acquiesce to a finger in the anus, especially during oral sex but not many can get their head around anything penetrative even if they have a desire to try it. It will take your openness and acceptance of what he likes or wants to explore as the avenue to allow him to really enjoy it. Give him that assurance. Anal play/sex with a man is highly erotic. They are letting you inside their body and we women know that feels vulnerable. Make him feel safe and sexy.
Prostate Massage and Strap on play.
Experts know prostate massage is good for a man’s health because it can expel fluid from the prostate to help keep it working top notch. A simple web search will bring up thousands of articles on it. Studies show it can help prevent prostatitis and prostate cancer. I am no doctor, nor do I play one on T.V., but I can say from my experience with prostate massage that it certainly does seem to improve a man’s sexual health. A prostate massage done correctly will often give a man an orgasm that is quite different from a penis stimulated ejaculation. That’s a huge benefit in my book.
I can’t think of one person whose ears don’t perk up at the idea of having a different kind of orgasm.
Giving a prostate massage is easy. Start off by following the steps in the second blog to get the person
relaxed. In many cases it is harder for a man to relax because not only is it a completely new sensation but they may have things running around their head that tells them what they are doing is wrong. Reassure them they are sexy, desirable; whatever makes him feel good about letting you touch him.
Licking and kissing the inside of the thigh helps too. Love on him while you slowly insert a whole finger into the anus. Use lots and lots of lube. If you think you are using too much then you are probably almost using enough. As I’ve said before my favorite is Pjur Back Door. It is just liquid gold for anything anal. Back Door is silicone so unless you’re going to use a high end silicone toy that’s compatible later use water based lube to protect your toys. I like System Jo’s Anal Water based. I’ve also heard very good things about Liquid Silk’s Maximus. Whatever he likes is fine – just lube up!
Once you have your finger all the way you want to bend it slowly in a “Come here” motion. Make sure your palm is facing the penis so that your fingers are bending towards the pubic bone. Move slowly down the canal and feel for a walnut shaped bump. Have your partner tell you when it feels especially good or makes them feel like they have to pee. Either way will tell you, you are on the prostate.
Typically moaning will give it away also
Much like the G-spot, it takes the prostate (the P-spot) time to warm up. Rub on and around it with varying pressure. Don’t become concerned if he’s not hard as this is common when stroking the P-spot. A P-spot orgasm is different from an ejaculation. In most cases, a man will get a more “full body” release as 30% more seminal fluid can be expelled from a prostate orgasm. Stroking the penis at the same time can drive him wild just try not to trigger that kind of orgasm, make your focus the prostate and just tease the penis. He will feel the difference.
Congratulations you just gave a man an orgasm from a prostate massage!
I may joke about this but it really is cause for celebration (and just like the G-spot it may take a few tries) But once you do that it opens the door for even more fun and pleasure!
P-spot Toys and Strap-ons!
I love several P-spot toys! One is the Ella by L.E.L.O. Designed as a G-spot toy. The Ella has a great bend to apply pressure to the prostate as well as a handle that doubles as a dildo. Oh la la! Two toys in one! The Ella is 100% silicone and cleans up great. Another favorite is Dr. Joel Kaplan’s EZ-reach Prostate Probe by Cal Exotics. This has great features: a bend and vibration. The three vibration settings will allow you to stimulate the P-spot even more. You can even hand the corded vibrating controller to your partner and they can choose which vibration feels best. This will free up one of your hands so it can roam all over them. Oh I should also mention it has a suction cup for some satisfying alone time.
I think the suction cup is my favorite feature, because it fits nicely into a universal harness for strap- on sex. In fact any toy with a good flange will fit into a universal harness. I like Sportsheets Deluxe Vibrating Harness the best. It can be set to fit up to a 60” waist and the straps go over your butt like a jockstrap. It is very comfortable and easily cleaned; put it in a pillowcase and throw it in the wash. There are many harnesses out there so picking one comes down to your personal tastes and idea of comfortable. I prefer universal ones as they have the largest options for dildos.
Whatever dildos you choose is up to the man’s preference. I think ones with a bend make applying pressure to the P-spot easier. Trust me when I tell you we women have to work those thrusting muscles to come close to how well a man can do it. A toy with a bend helps as you build those muscles up. If you use a toy with a bend always make sure it bends towards the pubic bone.
Getting Into the Act.
Of all the men I have talked to about giving anal sex, I usually have to give them specific instructions. Sorry guys it does seem to take you awhile to figure out anal sex with a woman is not the same as vaginal sex. For women who are the givers for anal sex with a man I always only have to say one thing…do it to him the way you would want it done to you!
Talk to your partner, go shopping for toys. Talk about wants as well as fears. And with any intimate act, especially one that has a stigma attached to it like anal sex always let the person know how much it means that they shared a desire with you. That takes courage for all of us!
If you have any comments or questions about this or any of the other blogs please feel free to ask. No question is silly and I love helping people have healthy, happy, sexual lives.
Wishing you wonderful sexual exploration and an adventurous partner to have it with.